Even now I'm not sure what to say about it. Did I love him? Yes. But we were fairly estranged for a while. The last time I talked to him was in '98 as we'd a "difference of opinion" to put it mildly. But we patched things up via his daughter and I didn't have any hard feelings. I'd forgiving him for things he did and hopefully he did the same for me.

 

I keep stopping and starting my writing again, not knowing what to say. When that happens during writing I tell myself to circle back the to truth, back to the root reason for writing the story/book/blog post. I guess that'd have to be an acknowledgement of his life, that he'll be moving on to whatever you want to call the next big adventure, and that those remaining that were close to him need some support. 

 

Bob was an interesting guy to say the least. He could charm anyone when he wanted to, but also had a hair-trigger temper.  When we were out fishing once he caught a carp, which most fishermen despise as being useless. So Bob put an M-80 in it's mouth, tossed it overboard and we waited for it to go off. Thing is, the fish stayed on the surface rather than head underwater and the main body of the thing flew up in the air and landed in the boat: we were covered with fish guts and blood. This was the sort of thing that would happen any day you hung out with Bob. 

 

Many people are likely amazed that Robert got this far in life. He had way more than nine lives and had been in motorcycle accidents previously. Fistfights were a common occurrence and I remember at least a couple calls from jail in the middle of the night and he asked Dad to bail him out.

 

He would give you the shirt off his back or the last bit of weed left in his stash, but then he might turn on you in an instant. Who am I to say whether he was a good or bad guy? He just was. Unpredictable, yes, and conflicted to be sure, but my brother. We only had the same father, but still share a great many traits. 

 

We didn't grow up together either, which allowed for a different sort of relationship. Think more of an older brother who had left the house before you could remember but came back from time to time. He'd bring his druggie friends in from South Buffalo to our clean little suburban community. He seemed to always have hot items for sale (a TV, VCR, golf clubs, etc.), and once as a teenaged youth I purchased some weed from him in my parents basement. 

 

In any case, I do know that these physical bodies aren't all that we are. Robert will be able to see the Mother that died when he was so very young. He'll be able to reconnect with our Dad and everyone else that went before him.

 

It is those that remain here that were closest to him that have trouble and grief. But the grieving can take solace in the fact that we can still talk to them. They can watch over us and hear us and help us out from time to time. 

 

We are beings of energy and energy never dies. Souls carry on and live out their ultimate purpose: experiencing creation over and over again. This life is but one stop on the journey. 

 

The message for me in this is something I don't always do: live life to the fullest and do what you want to do. Don't get caught up in all the other bullshit. 

 

The message for Bob is godspeed on your journey! Don't stick around here, everyone here will be ok. You can check in on your loved ones and help them out from where you are.

 

The message for the grieving is don't worry. Grieving is fine and a natural process, but you never *truly* lose your loved one. You can always talk to them and they'll be helping you out. 

 

Love you Bobby!

 

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I'm not sure what to feel about what I wrote. Some may think I'm crazy, others sappy, but I had to "just write" and let it all hang out there.